This is why Solange is the less famous sister: even on her wedding day, she dresses like an a-hole. I have to not-so-politely disagree with bloggers at Who What Wear; NO ONE THINKS SIDE SAGGY BOOB IS CUTE. Avoid avoid.
The saying goes: “Consistency is key.” Well, whatever overachiever said that hasn’t tried editing and styling for a magazine while trying to keep up a blog. For what it’s worth, where I have lacked (and slacked) the past few months, I will make up for in spades in the weeks to come. Why? Because it’s the holidays, errbody. It is time to be rabid consumers. I live off of material consumerism and holiday madness like Amanda Bynes lives off of polyester hair and Newport Lites.
Weekend schedules are beginning to fill up quickly. Families get together for dinners; girlfriends go shopping together; old college buddies gather for brunches and parties. It is colder than a witch’s tata out there now, but that does not excuse some of the HORRIBLE things I saw this weekend whilst getting my merriment and mirth on. I feel as if it would behoove me to point out some “holiday trends” that should just die right here and now (and then a tip on how to adjust):
1: Stockings with runs in them.
This was gross in the 90s. Ask yourself: “What Would Courtney Love Do?” Then do the exact opposite. I don’t care if you do live in Midtown: damaged garments are hideous, especially at BRUNCH.
If you want interesting stockings, find some that are textured or with fun patterns like argyle. Love the 90s? Buy flannel-print outerwear and call it a day.
2: Barrel Curls.
Jody Brown, one of Memphis’ premier hair stylists at Up City, can testify that looking natural is always on trend. Loose waves= pretty; pageant-style barrel curls= tragic. Don’t look like a Jessica McClintock advertisement. This isn’t your prom. Just stop.
Instead, try using your straightener to create loose and natural-looking waves. Another option? Do a fishtail braid. Don’t know how? Search them both on YouTube.com. They have great tutorials.
3: Leggings. As. Pants.
Your mirror is LYING to you if you think you look great wearing leggings a pants. You don’t look skinny. Ever. You just look too poor to buy real pants.
Want to be comfy/have the flexibility to eat like a maniac? Wear the leggings, but cover your bum in a long sweater. Places like Lori James and Lavish carry great sweaters and tunics that cover your bottom.
Barf. No more. Fact: wearing these make your legs look thicker than what they are.
Buy a pair of warm and comfy boots from a brand like Sorel or Frye. Even better: wear a cute ankle boot with cozy mid-calf or knee-high socks on. You can even layer that over leggings or stockings. Then you don’t look like you are wearing your house shoes out.
That is just a few things I have stumbled upon out in the wild streets of Memphis. I am looking very forward to see what you’ve got for me during this
frigid snuggly time of year.