Met Gala Massacre

Despite being sick and swamped with work, I really feel it would be just wrong to ignore what happened last night at the annual Met Gala. Lest you have been under a rock for years, you know the Met Gala is the  benefit for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute and serves as an opening celebration for the institute’s annual fashion exhibit. This year’s exhibit features the work of Charles James, whose beautiful designs are revered for their structure, cutting, and old-Hollywood glamor, even nearly four decades after his death.

Traditionally, the theme for the Met Gala is whatever the exhibit features. Therefore, it would only make sense for celebrities and attendees to wear sensationalized high-structured gowns with over-the-top old-Hollywood glam tones. Alas, I am referring to the 2014 Met Gala as a Massacre because guests either killed it or should murder their stylists. Now I understand that this is a CUSTUME affair, but let me be clear in my criticisms: costumed to wow- great; costumed to shock and horror- sad. Sure, you can take a swing for the fences like SJP in her Oscar de la Renta and I will commend you (despite the trashy red signature on the train). But I fear no Beygency when I say that Beyoncé was TRAGIC in her Givenchy. You have a juicy butt and good stems, Beyoncé. I get it. I get you have a pension for all kinds of bad girl sexual innuendo. However, her disaster of a look transcends urban chic or even classic ghetto and  bee bops over to the skank side. I mean, side boob, cleavage, a*$, and thighs? Jay-Z must not have much of an imagination. I refuse to even post the photo because I miss good girl Bey.

However, let me post some who NAILED it, because of theme, glamour, or chicness.

Zac Posen dressed these ladies like a boss:


Ditta von Teese exemplifies Hollywood glam.


Liu Wen looks like a Cinderella-meets-Mulan princess.

And these gals rocked it in Oscar de la Renta:


Amy Adams


Claire Danes


Would like more if the following occurred:
1: Pink lip
2: Taylor Swift were anyone but Taylor effing Swift

I mean, Google Charles James. Just do it. These ladies kicked that theme’s a*$.

Here are some other goodies:


Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds in Gucci


Emma Stone in Thakoon


Emily Rossum in Carolina Herrera


Hayden Panettiere in Dennis Basso


Karolina Kurkova in Marchesa and an eff ton of Harry Winston diamonds


Suki Waterhouse in Burberry

Those were MY favorite. And while there were other notables (Olivia Munn and Joan Smalls, for example), these women dressed for the party and look vintage glam. Sexy is NEVER looking like you tried too hard.

Now on to girls who tried too hard and embarrassed themselves royally:

Kate. Upton. Make. It. Stop.


Kate Upton in Dolce: I have no words.

Somewhere Johnny Weir is just realizing he is missing an ice dancing costume. No worries, another wacky Olsen tried to dress herself.


Elizabeth Olsen in Miu Miu

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Shame on you, Lupita.


Lupita Nyong’o in Prada

The dress is blah, but the horrible Botox and filler just makes me sad. I bet V is sad, too.. her face is just too frozen to tell.


Victoria Beckham in her own design.

W. T. F. Who invited Liza Minnelli, and why is she wrapped in orange bed linens?!


Solange in Philip Lim

Again, I always commend risk takers. And I applaud the fact that I did not have to see Miley on a red carpet in some teddy bear or bondage garbage. However, generally speaking, I hope Met Gala 2015 provides an edgier theme that does not borderline a Jessica McClintock storefront.


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