Prints on Yo Seat

Chartreuse Harlot at Hog and Hominy

Chartreuse Harlot at Hog and Hominy

It Springtime in Memphis, and our favorite grub gathering spots are manning their patios and enticing us with seasonal fare and cutsie cocktails. Droves of you should be making moves to places like Hog and Hominy and asking for their Chartreuse Harlot cocktail or Local Midtown for a Farmer’s Daughter. Many of you know where to park it on a patio. But lemme ask you a question: what do all of the girls and boys holding court in these spring patios have in common? No, not Claritin popping and mutual groping. It’s basic denim-colored jeans. Basic is a derogatory term (let my friend here club you over the head with it). How the eff are you going to be a successful cougar or silver fox and club a baby seal over the head with BASIC SHIZ ON. Yawn. 

I get it that it is chilly out, legs get cold, and jeans are easy. Unless you are wanting to advertise that you lack creativity and are lazy, try a quickie fun alternative: printed trousers. I know I know. Sounds super simple, but you kiddos are scared of prints on bottom. Let me discredit some printed trouser myths:

1: Prints on the bottom will make you look fat.

Lori James gear

Lori James gear

False. They do call attention to your lower half if paired with a black or monochromatic top. However, why not go crazy and mix prints? Like floral and polka dots? Too much? Whatevs. You can also wear denim or a basic color on top and add a really loud necklace or scarf (but if you are worried about adding bulk, scarves add volume and can actually make you look top-heavy).

Adding an attention-grabbing detail on top with your printed bottom will give you balance. These printed trousers are from Lori James in Memphis. No one to my knowledge offers such a rad assortment of printed denim and trousers. She damn near wrote the book.

2: Printed bottoms are too memorable and you cannot wear them as often.

Wrong again. Printed bottoms work like printed tops: if you do a good job at mixing your wardrobe up top, you can wear those cute python print jeans or tied-dyed haram pants to death, son.

3: Men do not wear prints on bottom.

como mensThat is just stupid. While men do not have all of the options currently that women do, camouflage is super chic (not like duck camp camo, more like the ones seen left), as is fun patterns like madras, tartan, and even those preppy little embroidered icons. Patterns will not emasculate you, bro. It is 2014, and rappers are getting laid wearing harem pants, chinos and horrible head gear that looks like Harry Potter’s Sorting Hat.

floralIt is spring. Wear color and prints. Because if you are not afraid to get housed on the Sabbath in front of God and everyone on a patio, then you should not be afraid of having a floral pattern on yo a$*.


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